Stupid People.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Eric Phelps"
To: Heatherockstar@comcast.net
Sent: Thursday, December 11, 2008 6:09:13 PM GMT -06:00 US/Canada Central
Subject: Skinit.com Customer Service



Dear Customer,



I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience you have experienced in regards to your orders and at this time I have issued the refunds. Thank you for your patience regarding this matter and please let me know if you have any questions.



Regards,



Eric Phelps

Skinit.com Customer Service


AND THIS WAS MY REPLY....

The money has STILL not been refunded to my account, and you are not welcome for my patience regarding this matter, because I refuse to allow myself to grant you any. It's ridiculous. Because of these transactions, I have paid two separate overdraft fees, I am negative the amount of each transaction plus 70 dollars. I am in constant contact with my bank about this situation and will be filing a claim if the money is not refunded to my account by the end of business hours on Tuesday, December 16. I have always been satisfied with your product, however, one of your customer service staff told me that they simply must have "forgotten" to cancel the transactions. I feel that it is unacceptable to "forget" something that can cause a person over $100 debt and can potentially ruin their credit. When I asked for the orders to be cancelled a over a week ago, someone should have IMMEDIATELY taken action. You may also want to look into hiring some staff with at least a mild amount of intelligence. Any IQ at all would be great. Thanks.

The Bathroom Door.

I find it very irritating when visitors arrive at my house. Aside from the fact that I am not very fond of actual people, I think that it may be because visitors shut the bathroom door.
I am very bothered by this. Not that they shut the door during the act of utilizing the facility, that is clearly expected, but that they shut the door afterwards. I see no reason for this. It only causes confusion for those who wish to enter the bathroom at a later time. You linger around the bathroom door thinking that someone must be inside and you don't want to knock, but after 20 minutes you can only assume that person must be doing some serious business in the bathroom of your own home. After debating and quarrelling over it with yourself you finally decide that knocking may be necessary, and when nobody answers you think, "maybe they are too embarrassed to admit that they have, in fact, been in the bathroom for 20 whole minutes, and they would then be clearly admitting to taking a massive 20-minute-long-poopie in my bathroom."
With this, I ask you, please do not shut the door after exiting the bathroom. I do realize that sometimes this may be a step in preventing the smell from seeping into the rest of the house, however, smelling poopie is quite obviously less agonizing than the aforementioned guessing game.

My Only Christmas Wish...

Dearest United States Marine Corps.,


Please send him home to me for Christmas.



xoxo,
Hurley's girl

Non-Barbies Banned.

Might I begin by stating that Barbie is the epitomy of class and beauty. She currently holds every job imaginable, raises all of her sisters and their friends, has babies without actually having to be pregnant, has a hot dream boyfriend (although Ken has been lacking in sex-appeal since the late 1970's), and all the while maintains a perfect body that gets sexier as she ages. I'm sure that many of you have noticed a total NON-Barbie bouncing onto the scene lately called Bratz, however, by the looks of them, I could think of a more appropriate "B"-word. Today I ran across a little article that Mattel (the makers of Barbie) filed a lawsuit against MGA Entertainment and won 100 million dollars. They have also requested that all Bratz dolls and anything affiliated or associate with them be impounded and destroyed. And to that I say Halelujah praise Jesus Joseph Mary and all the cattle. (You can read about Barbie's victory here.)
The creator of Barbie originally designed Bratz, and I'm wondering why she didn't later step back and think, "you know... this is the worst idea I've ever had. CLEARLY the world needs none other than BARBIE. And who wants their little girl to play with a doll who looks like a porn star anyway?." Quite obviously she should have immediately destroyed those documents, but instead she sold them to MGA Entertainment. Now, I would like to hail the creator of Barbie for all of time, and hate to think that she, with her high class, beauty, and brains, would ever think that it might be remotely acceptable to put a skanky, fat-lipped, stripper-looking chick up next to BARBIE and call it a day; So I'm just going to blame it on PMS.

Confessions.

Things I would like to say to some actual people right now...

7) You're getting on my nerves. Just put up your christmas decorations already. It's not rocket science.

6) You farted in Hobby lobby. I know you did. Everyone heard it.

5) You are my everything. Even though I miss you with all my heart, and I want you all to myself, I know that you are making your dreams come true when you're away, and I will stand behind you every step of the way. Words cant even say how much I love you.

4) I am sorry that I asked you for your apple ID and password. I just didn't really know how to work an iPod, and now I realize, QUITE CLEARLY, that I didn't need it, so I just looked like a nosy freakin weirdo when I asked for it. No wonder you said no.

3) DONT EVER try to get between me and my man. I will do unthinkable things to you. Don't attempt to make me sound like a liar, because he trusts me, and he knows who the real liar is. And don't think you're cuter than me, because for that you are DEAD WRONG.

2) PLEASE pluck your chin hairs. PLEASE. I know you think that because you're kind of fat, you're totally hopeless. But that isn't true. It's because of the CHIN HAIRS. You are a girl for christ's sake. If you washed your hair, and put on some makeup (properly, of course.), and stopped parting your really short greasy bangs straight down the middle, and PLUCKED YOUR CHIN HAIRS, you might be able to find a kind of fat soul-mate and live happily ever after. PULL IT TOGETHER.

1) I love that we have a cool relationship, because I love your son with all my heart. So I want to tell you that I really appreciate the thought that goes into it, and it really means alot to me because I know you're doing it to show me that you love and care about me, and I don't think you're gross or anything, ... but the truth is I'm really uncomfortable with hugs. I pretty much don't want to hug anyone ever. And I certainly don't want to hug people unless I have initiated the action immediately prior to.

thank you and goodday.

I Shaved My Legs For This

I figured that if conditions become severe, and I need to saw a hole through my roof and climb out of it, the emergency rescue officials would most likely not want to rescue the wooly-mammoth girl first. I figure that to lug a 6 ft. man-sized chick up a string hanging from a helicopter must not be much fun anyway, so any extra incentives would really help my situation.

Besides, shaving my legs and straightening my hair gives me one up on the unwedded pregnant chicks next door.And I bet you THEY won't have little debbie snack cakes.

CuteBoyRandy... Off To Become A Man

Randy left about two weeks ago for Marine Basic Training. He is in San Diego and will be there for 13 weeks. It's hard but everyday I remind myself how proud I will be to stand next to my Marine once he gets home! I am so excited to see where our relationship will go from here!
The first day he left he was allowed to call home within the first 24 hours so he called him dad and told him he was safe and loved him, and that he would be able to contact home for two weeks. But somehow he was able to call me that Thursday to tell me he loved and missed me! I felt so good after that! Please pray for him to stay strong!.........
OH MY GOSH no joke right this second while I was writing this blog my phone rang and my Grandma called to tell me I had a letter from San Diego! I cannot wait to go home and read it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am crying slightly not gonna lie...

Attention Classy Ladies

With the summer months passing by and temperatures at a high, all of us ladies are rockin our favorite tanks, off the shoulder and open-back tees, etc... While this is all fine and dandy, let me just say that it is never acceptable to wear any ensemble outside of which your bra, bra straps, or any part of your bra are visible in any form or fashion. I don't mean to go pooping on anybody's white-trash party or anything, but I feel it imperative that I make an attempt to alert those who continue to overlook this problem. And no, a bra strap is NOT the same as a tank top or camisole, and there is quite an evident difference between the two. Furthermore, some of you may be thinking that a brightly colored or patterned bra is more acceptable... this is not the case.
There are many ways to eliminate bra strap blunders, and here I will list a few...
1.) Bra's with convertable straps can be purchased at nearly any store on earth, including Wal-Mart.
2.) A more properly fitting shirt is sometimes highly effective.
3.) If the front or back of your bra is showing, put on a freakin' camisole, please, or just burn that shirt and dance with joy; for it has now been eliminated from your wardrobe! It probably didn't look very becoming (and may have been quite skanky) anyway.
4.) Lastly, there are bras with clear straps, and upon the rare occasion that one may notice them, that person will only know that you are aware of just how uncool it is to reveal your bra straps to the general public. And they will thank you for it.

To Laugh Or Not To Laugh

I'm on my way to class the other morning, and a maintenance man gets in the elevator with me. He looks at me extremely seriously and says, "I'm going to two," after which he looks intently from the "2" button to my hand, as if I should push it for him so that we may continue on with our morning elevator ride. This incident caused me to question the man's level of sincerity, since there are, in fact, only two floors in the building. I don't know where else he expected to go... there really isn't much to contemplate when you reside on the first floor of a building, and you need to go to the one just above it. Nevertheless, after studying his face which, I may add, did NOT flinch or crack so much as a slight smirk, I merely stated, "me, too." and pushed the button.

Man-Perms

Man-perms are completely unnacceptable. There are no circumstances under which I can find an excuse for someone of the male gender to get a perm. Please, if you will, imagine a man with short hair, and a perm on top. Possibly your dad. Yeah. Its pretty much hilarious. There is a woman who calls the salon in order to make an appointment for her husband to get a perm...... with that, let me just state that if and when you find yourself calling a salon to get a perm for your husband on his request, I would at the point encourage you to re-evaluate the entire relationship. Seriously. A MAN with a PERM. That is the most ridiculous looking hair style I believe that I can possibly imagine. In fact, I cannot imagine it without nearly wetting my pants.

Blankets

I'm having an issue with people bringing blankets to church and leaving them on the pew as if it were their own. This is just plain ridiculous. I am quite sure that you did not purchase that portion of the pew for yourself only, and if you are between the ages of 3 and 85, then you are not at this time qualified to tote your own personal blanket around to cover up with. It just isn't that cold. Get the heck over it. Wear a jacket. Has anybody heard about those? They are these things that adults wear in public when they get a little chilly. They are very practical for carrying in and out of buildings such as churches. However, I suppose if you insist on bringing a blanket to church, you could at least bring a somewhat cute one, and take the filthy thing with you when you leave. Thanks.

Writer's Block

I want all of my blogs to be so hilarious that my readers cannot contain their laughter and find themselves in hysterics over every article, however, I just can't think of anything funny. There are a thousand things that are funny, but when I want to entertain the world by writing about it on my blog, I can't remember any of the funny things. This must be what is called "writer's block." Whatever. Anyway I need some more material. By the way I hate hot weather with a passion.

Addiction to Vitamin Water

I have a severe addiction to Vitamin Water... and other waters of the sort. I am wondering if said "waters" are really a good replacement for actual water. Because I seem to be incapable of swallowing plain water due to the deliciousness of Snapple Antioxidant Water, Vitamin Water, SoBe Life Water, etc... Sometimes I look at my half-empty bottles of various fake waters, and I wonder if Kevin Trudeau may really be onto something... maybe the food and drug administration really is out to get us, and everything that they make is intended to sabotage our entire lives and eat away at our bodies one added preservative at a time! Anyway... I'm not sure if fake water works well as a substitute for real water... however I will continue living my life solely on the nutrition of dragonfruit Snapple Antioxidant Water and Acai-Blueberry-Pomegranate Vitamin Water and I'll let you know how it works out.

My Star

I told Randy that I wanted a star, so he picked out a cute, blue, twinkling one for me. It is my very favorite present.

I want him to know that I look for it every night, and I l♥ve my star.

Cuteboyrandy=My Prince Charming All Along

Well... I now know that I was entirely too nervous about dating Randy. I had my mind made up that he was a total psycho stalker freak and I did not want him... but I think that God had other plans in mind for me. Randy is my Prince Charming after all ♥.

Now, if I can just figure out how to make him behave in public...

Throwing-Awaying Fun

I am now addicted to throwing-awaying. I wait for a time when I can go in my room and throw things away; Its quite possibly my favorite past-time. There is a certain adrenaline rush that you get from knowing that you might need the item in some freak-scenario in the coming days, but you chunk it anyway! It is rather free-ing. I feel as thought I am released from my bondage. God has now blessed me with the knowledge of non-throwing-awaying, but the ability to throw away. Hallelujah.

Thrower-Awayer

In this world there are two kinds of people; Non-thrower-awayers, and thrower-awayers. I have determined that I was born a non-thrower-awayer. Here is how you know:
If, when you walk through your room, you create a scenario in which you may use each item you see in the future, and thus decide that it is an utter necessity that it remains in your posession, you are a non-thrower-awayer.
If, when you look at a peice of string, you see the makings of a spectacular Valentine's Day Card for next year, or a tool to repair your favorite shoes in the case that they break, you are a non-thrower-awayer.
If, when you find an old, rotten, disgusting tube of lipstick with mold under the seat in your car, you worry that someone may one day ask what lipstick you are wearing in your 10th grade yearbook picture, and thus decide to keep it so that you will be better prepared to show them, then you are a non-thrower-awayer.

I have suffered from the non-thrower-awayer (also known as compulsive-saver) disorder for quite sometime, and I have decided to start a revolution amoungst those of us with this chronic problem... I WILL THROW THINGS AWAY!... and I have found that there is much joy to be had in the feeling of accomplishment that you get from throwing away your favorite pair of socks from when you were 9 because you realize that a sock-repair man will never actually open a store around the corner, and you will never really stumble upon a cotton-weaving machine and a cotton-weaving teacher who will show you how to weave the peices of string you have been saving to patch the hole.

Cranberry Juice and Pizza Pockets

I know that some of you, while watching GemsTv at midnight, may want to have a little snack, however, you musn't choose cranberry juice, and immediately after, eat a Pepperoni Lean Pockets Sub. It is NOT good. In fact, it may be the grossest thing I have ever tasted in my life,... GemsTv, on the other hand, may be the most entertaining thing I have ever seen. I do enjoy the host-lady, but I woud like to write her a letter about overall condition and appearance of her hands.

Dearest GemsTv Host,
Might I just inform you that at any time when your hands will be featured in a multitude of EXTREME CLOSE-UPS it is imperative that you do not have any disgusting cuts on your fingers, cheesy press-on nails, or hands that look like you borrowed them from a big, burly man? You may be modeling the most beautiful diamond ring in all the world, but the thought of how much bacteria is crawling on that nasty cut is most distracting to your viewers and/or potential buyers, and no ring could possibly make those hands look dainty, or even remotely feminine. You might consider looking into a hand-transplant, or even hand prosthetics.
Thank you and goodday.

Cuteboyrandy = boyfriend.

After reconsidering my previous opinions of Randy, I have decided to make him my boyfriend. I like him. Alot. Thank you bye. :)

I'm a Girl.

This story seems to be a big hit these days.
One time when I was working at Kroger I got in trouble because my friend Heather wrote her name on the register, and, due to the fact that our names are the same, we were both sentenced to a shift of cart duty out in the parking lot. I was ever-so-excitedly performing my cart gathering job, as one lady and her friends finished unloading their basket. She pushed it to me so that I could add it to the line of carts that I was clearly already incapable of pushing, and she said "Thank you ma'am." I must say that I thought she was rather sweet, until I saw that directly after her comment, she turned back to study me, and after her apparant re-evaluation of my gender, she said, "I mean, sir."

For Future Reference.

If you have purchased your multi-colored Christmas lights before the turn of the 21st century, or at any time, really, please be sure they are NOT the red, orange, green, and yellow assortment. I have, after much non-meticulous examination of many Christmas light displays, discovered that these particular flavors of multi-colored lights pose a QUITE OBVIOUS issue. I am merely suggesting that those of you facing this unfortunate problem equip yourself with a coat and approximately $20.00, and take a quick trip to any local store, any one at all, and purchase some new and more tasteful multi-colored strands which will most likely be half off. Unless, of course, you want your yard to have a striking resemblance to Mamacitas.
In this case, please do continue with your festive hanging of lights in the coming years as you have been for the past 12.

P.S. How do you get your lights to last so long...? Do tell.