Confessions.

Things I would like to say to some actual people right now...

7) You're getting on my nerves. Just put up your christmas decorations already. It's not rocket science.

6) You farted in Hobby lobby. I know you did. Everyone heard it.

5) You are my everything. Even though I miss you with all my heart, and I want you all to myself, I know that you are making your dreams come true when you're away, and I will stand behind you every step of the way. Words cant even say how much I love you.

4) I am sorry that I asked you for your apple ID and password. I just didn't really know how to work an iPod, and now I realize, QUITE CLEARLY, that I didn't need it, so I just looked like a nosy freakin weirdo when I asked for it. No wonder you said no.

3) DONT EVER try to get between me and my man. I will do unthinkable things to you. Don't attempt to make me sound like a liar, because he trusts me, and he knows who the real liar is. And don't think you're cuter than me, because for that you are DEAD WRONG.

2) PLEASE pluck your chin hairs. PLEASE. I know you think that because you're kind of fat, you're totally hopeless. But that isn't true. It's because of the CHIN HAIRS. You are a girl for christ's sake. If you washed your hair, and put on some makeup (properly, of course.), and stopped parting your really short greasy bangs straight down the middle, and PLUCKED YOUR CHIN HAIRS, you might be able to find a kind of fat soul-mate and live happily ever after. PULL IT TOGETHER.

1) I love that we have a cool relationship, because I love your son with all my heart. So I want to tell you that I really appreciate the thought that goes into it, and it really means alot to me because I know you're doing it to show me that you love and care about me, and I don't think you're gross or anything, ... but the truth is I'm really uncomfortable with hugs. I pretty much don't want to hug anyone ever. And I certainly don't want to hug people unless I have initiated the action immediately prior to.

thank you and goodday.