Throwing-Awaying Fun

I am now addicted to throwing-awaying. I wait for a time when I can go in my room and throw things away; Its quite possibly my favorite past-time. There is a certain adrenaline rush that you get from knowing that you might need the item in some freak-scenario in the coming days, but you chunk it anyway! It is rather free-ing. I feel as thought I am released from my bondage. God has now blessed me with the knowledge of non-throwing-awaying, but the ability to throw away. Hallelujah.

Thrower-Awayer

In this world there are two kinds of people; Non-thrower-awayers, and thrower-awayers. I have determined that I was born a non-thrower-awayer. Here is how you know:
If, when you walk through your room, you create a scenario in which you may use each item you see in the future, and thus decide that it is an utter necessity that it remains in your posession, you are a non-thrower-awayer.
If, when you look at a peice of string, you see the makings of a spectacular Valentine's Day Card for next year, or a tool to repair your favorite shoes in the case that they break, you are a non-thrower-awayer.
If, when you find an old, rotten, disgusting tube of lipstick with mold under the seat in your car, you worry that someone may one day ask what lipstick you are wearing in your 10th grade yearbook picture, and thus decide to keep it so that you will be better prepared to show them, then you are a non-thrower-awayer.

I have suffered from the non-thrower-awayer (also known as compulsive-saver) disorder for quite sometime, and I have decided to start a revolution amoungst those of us with this chronic problem... I WILL THROW THINGS AWAY!... and I have found that there is much joy to be had in the feeling of accomplishment that you get from throwing away your favorite pair of socks from when you were 9 because you realize that a sock-repair man will never actually open a store around the corner, and you will never really stumble upon a cotton-weaving machine and a cotton-weaving teacher who will show you how to weave the peices of string you have been saving to patch the hole.

Cranberry Juice and Pizza Pockets

I know that some of you, while watching GemsTv at midnight, may want to have a little snack, however, you musn't choose cranberry juice, and immediately after, eat a Pepperoni Lean Pockets Sub. It is NOT good. In fact, it may be the grossest thing I have ever tasted in my life,... GemsTv, on the other hand, may be the most entertaining thing I have ever seen. I do enjoy the host-lady, but I woud like to write her a letter about overall condition and appearance of her hands.

Dearest GemsTv Host,
Might I just inform you that at any time when your hands will be featured in a multitude of EXTREME CLOSE-UPS it is imperative that you do not have any disgusting cuts on your fingers, cheesy press-on nails, or hands that look like you borrowed them from a big, burly man? You may be modeling the most beautiful diamond ring in all the world, but the thought of how much bacteria is crawling on that nasty cut is most distracting to your viewers and/or potential buyers, and no ring could possibly make those hands look dainty, or even remotely feminine. You might consider looking into a hand-transplant, or even hand prosthetics.
Thank you and goodday.

Cuteboyrandy = boyfriend.

After reconsidering my previous opinions of Randy, I have decided to make him my boyfriend. I like him. Alot. Thank you bye. :)

I'm a Girl.

This story seems to be a big hit these days.
One time when I was working at Kroger I got in trouble because my friend Heather wrote her name on the register, and, due to the fact that our names are the same, we were both sentenced to a shift of cart duty out in the parking lot. I was ever-so-excitedly performing my cart gathering job, as one lady and her friends finished unloading their basket. She pushed it to me so that I could add it to the line of carts that I was clearly already incapable of pushing, and she said "Thank you ma'am." I must say that I thought she was rather sweet, until I saw that directly after her comment, she turned back to study me, and after her apparant re-evaluation of my gender, she said, "I mean, sir."

For Future Reference.

If you have purchased your multi-colored Christmas lights before the turn of the 21st century, or at any time, really, please be sure they are NOT the red, orange, green, and yellow assortment. I have, after much non-meticulous examination of many Christmas light displays, discovered that these particular flavors of multi-colored lights pose a QUITE OBVIOUS issue. I am merely suggesting that those of you facing this unfortunate problem equip yourself with a coat and approximately $20.00, and take a quick trip to any local store, any one at all, and purchase some new and more tasteful multi-colored strands which will most likely be half off. Unless, of course, you want your yard to have a striking resemblance to Mamacitas.
In this case, please do continue with your festive hanging of lights in the coming years as you have been for the past 12.

P.S. How do you get your lights to last so long...? Do tell.